adventures in internet dating

Dec 30

“

subject: I think you’re very attractive

message: But this line from your profile kinda scares me a bit: “whether or not i’ll get to be a mom. how there don’t seem to be any guys around who want to be dads.”

What kind of time frame are you looking at??

”
1. this guy looks like a complete douchebag jerk and his profile contains the phrase “no fat chicks”

2. he DISLIKES CHILDREN

3. i like how he presumes i would even consider looking at any sort of “time frame” with him

Dec 10

“well i read you’r profile,and i really like what you have to say. let me be honest with you…i make a modest living, but i work…as far as what i have to offer…i have the deepest desire to be the best man that i can be…in my eyes, and the eyes of who i care for, i can offer you everything that money can’t buy…in time of course…slow down there girly…we just met….hell you haven’t even responded yet” 33 m

Sep 23

“Subject: hey lady lol i am a kiddo but lets chat neways

Hey my name is Brian, I was being funny by the hey lady comment . ( It is a reference to animaniacs , dont know if you watched cartoons when you were in your preteens). But neways I like to have fun and have intelligent conversations. The fact that you are teaching yourself lapsteel is badass. I am teaching myself guitar, I have been playing for about two years and I would love to meet a fellow lapsteelist. Lol well I also like to engage in intelligent conversation and see where things go from there.” 19 m

“You look beautiful and you sound interesting, let’s go on one date.”

45 m, boston.

(ONE date? just one?)

“

=====j wrote=====
u seem absolutely incredible…would u be willing to converse with me?

=====s wrote=====
dang, you are gorgeous! so i guess that’s a maybe, haha… though right now i have to get ready and go to work.

=====j wrote=====
well if I offer to shave your legs will that make it go quicker?

=====s wrote=====

uh what?

=====j wrote=====
it seems like i mixed my messages up…..although i totally seemed to make sense at the time

=====s wrote=====

It makes sense I suppose but makes it seem like you could have a shaving fetish which would be odd

=====j wrote=====

im very flexible about the hair thing….i grow my own facial just to see the mix of red blonde and black….it fascinates me, it grows red down the middle of my chin, blonde on the outskirts, and black by hte ears

” really attractive and obviously… quirky 33yr old male

Aug 29

“Is there any way i could convince you to wrap slices of swiss cheese around my dick, and jerk it off for me??” he’s baa-aaaack! new name, possibly even new photos of his dick wrapped in swiss cheese

Aug 27

“

ME:
i don’t speak to faceless people, i need to see a photograph of whom i am addressing before this goes any ‘further’

-n

HIM:
Unfortunately, I am in politics and must be very careful. If that is your decision, so be it.

J

”

‘45’ year old man, profile picture is simply a close up of his saggy boobs and stuffed boxer briefs

(okcupid)

Aug 25

“

Hi, I was just browsing around the site, and wanted to drop you a line. Philadelphia does suck, but at least we’re not New Jersey!

Anyway, I’m xxxx, 25, married, and work in Philly. If you’re interested in being friends, awesome. If not, not a problem. (After all, I’m am rather creepy, what with me being lazy and only shaving about twice a week now.)

Take it easy!

” Not sure where he got the idea that I think Philly sucks. Also, what?

Aug 21

“

(Discussing being insomniacs)

Me: So what sort of trouble do you get into late at night? Heh

Him: All kinds, heh. It usually winds up finding me too. I’m a trouble-magnet… a crazy magnet too. Crazy always seems to find out where I’m hiding. They both kind of seek me out, like a fat kid looking for a cheesesteak.

” Guy who is 32 on OkCupid but 27 on MySpace. Hmm.

Aug 18

“

You should message me back, given the following provisos:

* You’re taller than me. I’m ok with that, and you should be too.
* You’re straight and dislike children. I’m queer and have a 3-year-old daughter. I live with her mother, who is my best friend and a lesbian. We’re not a couple now, but we were, a long, long time ago.

Still here?

Good.

”

-37 year old male

(okcupid)

*my profile clearly indicates i am straight, looking for straight men, and that i teach and want children of my own